Under the Foot of Chaos

I'm in studio sporadically and crazyily working on multiple canvases. I have been so outwardly fallow and in stew mode for so long that it is challenging to get the pump primed again. It's going slow but it is going. Here's a detail of a big piece (30 x 40) I'm working on tentatively titled Lady Chaos. Sort of appropriate considering my general state of neither here nor there. Falling in all directions. My problem has been that I am just burgeoning with so many ideas that it's hard to focus. I get impatient with the nitty gritty of the actual slow process of painting. Like I'm so antsy that I can't settle down and just do it. And when I finish a piece it doesn't seem to represent all deep steeping I've been through. I'm comforted by the idea of chaos being a state at the cutting edge of creation. Where manifest is forging out into the unmanifest is not what I would call comfortable territory. So I just have sink into it. Embrace the uneasiness.

My creative process is diverse. I now recognize all my journal writing, songwriting, poetry writing, guitar playing, dancing, nature walking, reading history and biographies and physics and philosophy and energy psychology as a big interconnected matrix that launches my creativity. It's a kind of metabolic tranformation of what I absorb into some form of expression unique to me. It feeds my creative body so I can exteriorize my interior.

I wish I had the physical energy to match all the stirring inside. Strange disconnect. I also struggle between wanting to constantly break new ground or just work with what I know and do well already. I recently realized that I have at least 3 distinct bodies of work wanting to come through. That is, three separate styles, narratives and media. At least three...sigh. Can I do it? Life dares me.